“Hey Tom, have you heard of the phrase, “Three Score and Ten”?

“Yes Dave, it’s the Biblical phrase for the span of life.”

“Ha, ha Tom, we’ve got them there, we’re both way past 70!”

“People are living longer now, life span now could be 15 or 20 years past retirement. It’s called the Third Age.”

“Yes Tom, those extra years are a sort of temporary release from mortality.

I love that phrase “release from mortality”.

But instead of rejoicing in thinking what we’re going to do with our extra time, we have turned it into a “fear topic”. Everyone is aging. People are living longer.

Is this a problem?”

“Well Dave, the fear of an increasing older population is that it is seen as a burden on society because resources have to be found to support an aging population.”

“I think we need some definitions here to clear the air.

First Stage of Life—childhood, the era of dependence, immaturity and education.

Second Stage—adulthood, the era of independence, maturity, making a living.

THE THIRD AGE—65+, the era after retirement, personal fulfillment.

The fourth age—the era of final dependence, frailty and death.”

I continued: So, after productive, paid work is finished, society seems to consign elderly people to LIMBO, the condition of oblivion, a place for forgotten and unwanted things.”

“That’s a sad statement, Dave.”

“Yes it is, Tom, but that attitude still prevails. Anything opposite to work is regarded as indolence, avoidance of activity or exertion.’

“So, what’s the answer, Dave?’

“You need hobbies and interests in retirement also some educational opportunities. You need some intellectual development and stimulation.

The inclination to learn continues all through life.”

“That’s right, Tom, that’s why the University of the Third Age was born.

Members want to learn and they can teach as well. There is no division between teacher and the taught: there are no staff and no students, only members. I’ve taken several courses myself and am in a discussion group at present.”

***

“Tom, I’m going to describe the lives of two oldies, Andy and Annie.

This will show you the stark difference between the Third and Fourth Ages.

Andy, age 87…

He starts his day at the Leisure Centre which means getting up at 5:30. He leaves about 6 and drives to the Centre.

He likes to start the morning with a swim, because it stimulates his brain and gets him thinking.

There’s other pensioners there which provides him with social contact.

He finds dunking himself in water wakes him up and he thinks about what he should be doing that day—emailing, writing, etc.

He’s back home at 7:30 and Betty, his wife, has his breakfast ready.

He then pops into the garden to see that everything is okay.

He deadheads some flowers otherwise new growth won’t come.

He then goes to his office and works on his computer. He writes a monthly column for a local newsletter

He and his wife are quite strong mentally and they never sat back and wondered what they were going to do that day.

He paces himself because he gets tired and then he has a rest.

He goes to bed at 10 PM.

Even though Andy is presumably coming to the end of his life, he is far from being a burden on health and social services as the newspaper headlines state.

He is in the THIRD AGE.

***

Annie, age 88…

She has had her left hip done. The right hip is going but the doctor won’t let her have it done because she might have a stroke. So she has to put up with it.

Apart from the hip being bad her legs are giving out. She is in pain and is allowed eight pain killers a day.

She sits in her chair most of the day. She doesn’t feel the pain while sitting.

But when she gets up she hardly can walk.

She still reads big print books with a magnifying glass.

She used to have a scooter to get out and about but then things got worse and she couldn’t get it out of the house.

So she is now confined to the house.

She has carers to get her up for breakfast and later a carer gets her a cooked meal. Her sister does her shopping. A carer puts her to bed.

Although Annie is only one year older than Andy her life is quite different. Her health is poor, she is in pain a lot and she rarely goes out of the house. She needs a lot of help

Annie is in the FOURTH AGE.”

***

“So, Dave, we’ve made it clear that ageing is not simply about decline, dependency and difficulty, it’s also about personal development and living a satisfying life as well.”

“That’s right, Tom, I guess you could say The Third Age is considered to be the “golden years” of adulthood.”

We both pondered on what we had discussed.

“I’ve been thinking, during our discussion, that The Third Age is sort of a paradox, a point in time when older adults experience life and themselves more positively even though cognitive functions undergo slow deterioration and they have aches and pains.”

“There are people that jump back and forth between the Third and Fourth ages.

If someone who was sick gets better they can come back into the Third Age for a while.”

“Tom, in conclusion, I will say:

The patterns of life have changed since people have been living longer.

Lets hope we can stay in the Third Age for a long time.”

With that, Tom and Dave walked out into the sunshine ready to face their future

NO MATTER WHAT!

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to be good at living life?

They seem to glide effortlessly through life and they know how to roll with life’s punches. What’s their secret?

It’s no secret, they just know and apply the rules of mental equilibrium.

Lets go through them:

1. Don’t try to change the unchangeable.

The only influence we really have is over ourselves, so we can only change our mindset, how we respond to our circumstances

2. Don’t live in the Past, it’s gone!

You can’t change anything that has gone before, so turn your attention to the Here and Now. The only way to live is in the Present, it’s the only life you have.

3. Don’t live in the Future, it’s not here yet!

Don’t let fear of the future ruin your present. The Here and Now is the moment you must appreciate, it is your Reality.

4. Stay connected to your Healthy Mental Functioning.

What is it? It’s your Natural state of mind, your common sense, your emotional buoyancy, it’s your ability to adapt to your circumstances, it’s your sense of perspective, your internal equilibrium, your feeling of peace, it’s INNATE!

Sounds like it’s pretty important, doesn’t it?

Your healthy functioning is NOT concerned with what happens in your life. It is concerned with how you relate to what happens.

Your healthy functioning is what makes happiness possible!

5. Don’t align yourself exclusively with your Thought System.

It is only concerned with how you compare with others, your pursuits, your intellect, your ego gratification. It’s job is to think, compare, contrast and analyse. This is inconsistent with enjoyment.

The difference between your thought system and your healthy mental functioning is:

Your thought system comes up with what “it thinks” would make you happy.

Your healthy functioning is what makes happiness possible.

6. Every moment in your life is a Choice Point.

Do you think negative or do you rise to the challenge?

Can you direct your thoughts to good, positive thoughts?

It’s your choice!

7. Live in the Present Moment. It’s the only life you have!

Next time you feel depressed notice where your thoughts are.

They will be in the future or reviewing the past.

BUT, life is Right Now!

You can live in three different time dimensions in your head.

The Past—“WHY” mode, you’re thinking about Why things happened.

The Future—“WHAT IF” mode-Fear of the future.

The Present—This is the only one actual time dimension; the Present.

***

In conclusion: I hope you remember this blog post because there is a lot of WISDOM in it.

The idea that has helped me let go of the past and future is to understand that:

Life keeps moving forward—it doesn’t care what I think of do, SO I might as well NOT WASTE my time on things I can’t control.

Life keeps moving forward and so WE MUST keep moving forward.

All these rules have ONE GOAL:

GET THE MOST OUT OF LIFE.

AND THAT’S THE ONLY POINT THERE IS!

When will it happen, this sudden shift? It usually comes out of the blue when you face a difficult situation. It is a sort of insight that occurs and from that moment on life looks different.

An important point of a sudden shift in perspective is:

There is no relationship between the “feeling better” aspect of a sudden shift and your external circumstances.

What happens is that you look at the same set of facts in a new way, a different way than you did before. It is a shift in Perspective, not a change in circumstances.

When tough times come in your life, and you can’t change them, what you have to do is change your thinking about the situation to a healthy coping.

So, the bottom line is, nothing has to change in your life in order for you to feel good BUT your thinking!

This leads to our biggest point:

The way you feel is determined by the thoughts you are thinking.

Example—Alice and Ed had been married for 30 years, most of those years were very routine and unsettling, they had arguments and it seemed their love had gone out the window. Then Ed had a diagnosis of terminal cancer and Alice and Ed had a shift in perspective. Their anger faded away and seemed insignificant. They looked at their life differently now and decided to enjoy their present moments.

****

The average person has approximately 55,000 thoughts entering and leaving the mind every day. Most just come and then are dismissed.

But if we’re in the habit of thinking negatively, these thoughts seem to stick. We have to dismiss them and replace them with good, positive ones.

****

You need to live in the Present to enjoy life. You can’t be tied to the past of think about a negative future which is what we do when we face a difficult situation that can’t be changed.

When you face a situation you can’t control, you must NOT let fear of the future take away from you’re present.

The present is the only life you have. YOU MUST LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT AND ENJOY IT.

Because that’s the only time you can live.

You waste your life thinking about the past or the future.

HOW DO YOU DO IT?

Well, when you understand how your thinking works you will dismiss any thoughts you don’t want.

Concentrate on what you are doing in the here and now.

Life is nothing more than a series of present moments to be experienced one after another.

It’s the only life we have so why squander it with distorted thinking?

Present-moment living means you are choosing to pay attention on what’s happening RIGHT NOW; and you enjoy and appreciate just this moment.

Whenever you feel discouraged and frustrated try to notice how DISTANT you are from the present moment, you are not living your life WHEN YOU ARE OUT OF THE MOMENT!

The only peace you will find is right where you are, IN THE PRESENT, the only place you can live.

When you live in the present, you will notice your fear of the future fades away. You see that worrying about the future is a WASTE OF YOUR LIFE!

Your life is more enjoyable living one moment at a time, one day at a time.

***

So, my friend, the choice is yours, live in the present and enjoy the only life you have.

The past and the future are just thoughts, where as you life is RIGHT NOW!

***

One last idea I will leave you with and PLEASE remember this at all times:

LIVE YOUR LIFE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT AND BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU HAVE THAT MOMENT!

The Tom and Dave discussions continue:

“Hey Tom, guess how many “self” words are in the dictionary?”

“Maybe about 50.”

“Wrong, my friend, there are over 100.”

“Amazing.”

“It is amazing, the term “self” is very important to us because it refers to our awareness of WHO WE ARE and HOW WE EXPERIENCE OURSELVES within our world. Self is our inner world, the flow of our thoughts, feelings and senses.”

“Dave, what are the parts of Who We Are and Our Experiences?’

“Good question, Tom, lets list them:

There is the Physical part, our body, the vehicle in which we experience life and make contact with the world.

The Emotional part, many emotions are experienced as we journey through life.

The Psychological part, our streams of thoughts, our social contacts.

The Sexual part and the Spiritual part.”

“Wow Dave, that’s a lot of parts!”

“Well Tom, we humans function best when all these parts are in a healthy state and flowing freely.”

“Someone once told me that I have an inspiring persona. What’s that all about?”

“Inspiring! That’s good, Tom. Your persona is the “mask” you put on for the public. Your persona incorporates your best qualities leaving negative traits to form the “Shadow Self.”

“The “Shadow Self”, what’s that?”

“It’s not as scary as it sounds, Tom. Our shadow self includes traits that we dislike or would like to ignore. The shadow self balances the overall psyche.

Where there is light there must be a shadow.”

“Sometimes, Dave, I feel so alone in this world. Why is that?”

“Well, my friend, when you discovered, in childhood, that you were a separate being, that you exist independently of anyone else, it was a sobering experience.

We are isolated in our own consciousness throughout life’s journey.

Hence at times we feel very ALONE.”

“I also feel very vulnerable at times.”

Tom was shaking.

“Relax buddy, we all were born into this world very vulnerable, with no defenses, in fact we didn’t even have a personality at birth.”

“So what happened then?”

“We soon learned that certain behaviors please people and some don’t.

So we form a self called the Controller, which observes our environment and determines which behaviors work best and please the most people. The Controller is an energy system that helps to protect our vulnerability.”

“Dave, these energy systems, do they make us stronger and more powerful?”

“Yes Tom, they make us more powerful in ourselves and that’s when we start to develop our personality.”

“I’m wondering, do we have a set of Power Selves that ensure that we are protected and successful in our lives?”

“Yes, we do Tom, lets list them:

The Power Selves are: The Pusher, The Critic, The Perfectionist, The Pleaser, and The Thinking Self.”

Tom and I pondered the Power Selves.

Then we both stared at the new picture on the pub wall. It was Dali’s “Persistence of Memory or the Melting Clocks. That made us ponder all the more.

After a couple of minutes, I spoke:

“The most important Power Self is The Thinking Self. We are thinking machines, constantly thinking and observing. We have to observe with openness and interest because the MOMENT IS FLEETING, alive only an instant.”

“I know the connection between your thinking and your feeling is formed in a split second and you don’t even realize it’s happening!”

“That’s right Tom, it’s the cause and effect relationship between thoughts and feelings.”

“We all have negative thoughts, now and then, which are distressing, but there is nothing holding negative thoughts in place BUT your thinking.”

“That conjures up the question, if negative feelings are caused by negative thinking, Then what good can it do to overanalyze the negative parts of your life?”

“No good at all! If you spend a lot of time thinking about problems and dwelling on what’s wrong, you will become depressed and your spirits will be low.

Negative thinking fuels the destructive fire.”

“So Dave, what’s the final answer?”

“Keep your Thinking Self in check by NOT thinking about or fearing the future.

Your PRESENT is the ONLY LIFE YOU HAVE. You can only live one day at a time.

Life can be difficult and sometimes you can’t change the difficulty, so you must go through the difficulty and this is all the more reason to live your PRESENT with a peaceful inner feeling, rather than being consumed by your fear of the future.

Today is all there is, so enjoy!

Don’t let anything take away your PRESENT.”

With that, Tom and Dave shook hands, left the building, and went their separate ways.

“Hey Tom, do you feel us oldies have much hope in the immediate future?”

“Well Dave, it depends on our present situation. If you have some semblance of health and still have energy and the inclination to do things, there is hope for the future, even for an oldie.”

“I think a lot about the past now that I am old.”

“I do too Dave, but they say the PRESENT is the most important time.”

“I guess you’re right, Tom. If you can forgive your parents for the crime of bringing you into this world, and if you are okay with getting nowhere and taking one day at a time and if you can keep from growing surly, bitter and cynical, I guess you have old age licked.”

We both laughed.

“Some people say all the times are important, PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE.”

“Why is that, Dave?”

“Well, my friend, although consciousness and reality are always in the PRESENT and the present is the ONLY life you have, the PAST and the FUTURE are also important, because the past influences the present and the future is essential for morale in the present. Your PRESENT would collapse if there was no hope for the FUTURE.”

“Wow, Dave, I never thought of the times like that.”

“Time is very important. It is part of the aging process.”

“Some say we age from the outside and the inside.”

“That’s right Tom, three items make up the universe, matter, energy and time. So aging is the effect of energy on matter over time. Erosion is an example of the outside effect of energy on matter.

But we humans age not only externally but inside as well.”

We both pondered that statement.

“Tell me more, Dave.”

“Inside us are the workings of chemistry, called metabolism which assembles chemical reactions which are needed for life, with one flaw—aging.

These reactions generate trash and waste products over time, called free radicals.”

“Oh boy, Dave, there’s trouble on the horizon!”

“Well Tom, we living creatures suffer wear and tear from external and internal energy. But we do some self-repair, some cells do renew themselves.”

“So, what does it all add up too?”

“It adds up to: Aging = wear and tear – some part repair.”

“Wow, Dave, that’s mind blowing stuff! Lets get back to our discussion on the PRESENT being called the most important time.”

“Well Tom, some say that your experiences in life should be exclusively in the PRESENT, because if they don’t experience in the present they are dwelling in the past and future.”

Tom scratched his head.

“So, Dave, do we need hope to attain our goals?”

“Absolutely Tom, we need to have some hope in the future to sustain our morale in the PRESENT. Hope is a need in itself.”

“Hope is more important than I realized.”

“Hope motivates us to work toward our goals.

Hope maintains morale in the PRESENT.

Hope maintains the immune system, it is the great energizer, we need health to work on our goals.”

“So, hope is looking forward to something and visualizing the future.”

“Yes Tom, now lets turn to the flip side of the coin, Hopelessness.”

“So, now we’re gong to look at the dark side of hope.”

“Hope is fragile, it can be destroyed in an instant. Hopelessness is the belief or knowing that what is desired will NOT be attained. We fear non-attainment.”

“Oh boy, this is getting scary.”

“When we age, the period before death, depression is on the horizon. We oldies may get depressed over diminished mobility, diminished health and diminished abilities and energy.”

“Dave, how do you fight this depression of hopelessness?”

“By becoming resigned to it. You accept the losses of aging. This act dilutes depression to bearable proportions.”

“How do we defend against too much anxiety in the meantime?”

“By simply avoiding thinking about the future and taking one day at a time.”

“Oh Dave, the passing time can be so cruel.”

“Well Tom, lets end this discussion by looking at the Nature of Time.”

“The march of time scares me when I think how relentless it is and we can’t slow it down.”

“Don’t panic, Tom.”

“I’m trying not to, Dave, but look at the clock, the second hand just keeps moving!!!”

“Time is moving forward constantly, a succession of moments that follow one another at the same rate.

We are lodged in time just like we are lodged in our skin. In five years we can count on having aged five years, no matter what we do or don’t do. Time carries us along but it is indifferent to us.”

“Another scary thing about time is that we can’t change what has happened in the past.”

“That’s right Tom, the consequences of an act can be modified sometimes BUT the act itself never can be recalled.”

We stopped talking for a few minutes to absorb all of the discussion points.

“Tom, our lives consist of many days, I’m working on 29,000, but they are fast moving.”

“Dave, the other day I came across a line: “The river of time carries us along through life.”

“It’s true, Tom, when people die they are left behind on the riverbank but the river keeps flowing. They are cast outside of time. They never again will be able to get back into the river.”

“Well Dave, the days will go by and when they are used up (the average is 27,000) we will never again see even one more.

So, the moral is: Enjoy Today, while you have it.”

“I will leave you with two bits of wisdom:

One realizes the importance of time only when there is little of it left.

And, I have discovered the most precious thing on Earth, it is just “Being Alive”.

We must NOT waste a minute of it!”

Tom and Dave left the building to enjoy the day.

“Tom, do you subscribe to Thoreau’s quote: Most men lead lives of quiet desperation?”

“Yes Dave, I do, but I’ve been fighting it all my life. I’ve been always looking for enjoyable things to do, but when I do find something I never do it.”

“Sad, isn’t it, Tom? My idea of quiet desperation is: our unmet desires, dreams unfulfilled. It’s the robotic movement through life as your dream of adventure is in the background.”

“Oh Dave, that’s a wonderful description.”

“Thank you Tom, I also think people never figure out what they really want to do in life, so they never do it. But you and I have found it, late in life, in our retirement! You with your amateur acting and me with my four books and blogs.”

“Right on Dave, so it’s the fight between heart and mind and our subsequent unhappiness by not listening to both sides.”

“So, how do we try to break out of our quiet desperation? We need to think about our longings and needs for meaning.”

“What are our needs for meaning, Dave?”

“Well Tom, to provide an answer to the longings mentioned, I would say that meaningful lives are lives of ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT in PROJECTS OF WORTH.”

“Wow! Dave, that’s a mouthful. What exactly is active engagement?”

“It’s when someone is so excited about something that they are completely gripped by it, things we are passionate about. You feel alive when you are actively engaged.”

“What projects then would be worthy?”

“Well Tom, I think it’s commitment to something of value that’s the key, such as your amateur acting and my writing. Your acting is enjoyable for you and it brings pleasure to others. My writing gives people information to act upon to live life better. Also, helping others would be a worthwhile project.”

“So Dave, a meaningful life must satisfy two things. First, there must be active engagement and second, it must be involvement in projects of worth.”

“And Tom, I would add, someone who is actively engaged may also lead a meaningless life, if the objects of their involvement are worthless, such as memorizing the dictionary or making hand written copies of War and Peace.”

We both laughed.

“In conclusion, a person asked me the other day: How can life have any meaning or worth if it must come to an END?”

Tom and Dave were silent for a few seconds.

“I answered this serious question: You fail to see that the opposite can also be proposed, if there were no end to life, life would have no value, it is the ever present danger of losing life which helps to bring home to us it’s value.”

Tom and Dave pondered that statement.

“Tom, have you read, The Hitcher’s Guide to the Galaxy?”

“I dabbled in it, Dave, but it’s a big book”

“Well, if you remember, Deep Thought, the super computer, was asked about the meaning of life, the universe and everything. Deep Thought’s verdict was “42”!

The builders of the computer were gobsmacked. They had the answer but they didn’t understand it. They didn’t know what it was the answer to.

If you want the right answers you must ask the right questions!”

Tom and Dave left the building vowing to look at the stars tonight.

“Hey Tom, have you ever thought about the joke our awareness plays on us?”

“What’s that, Dave?”

“Our superior intellect makes us aware of our inevitable death but we have an intense desire for continued existence and because of our intellect we recognize the futility of that quest.”

“Well Dave, what I want is to create some meaning in my life for as long as I live.”

“Yes Tom, so do I. We live in absurdity so we need some meaning.”

“What do you mean, we live in absurdity?”

“Consider this: Why do we stand in line at the store? To buy food. Why do we buy food? So we can stay alive and healthy. Why stay alive and healthy? So we can work at our jobs. Why work? So we can earn money. Why earn money? So we can buy food. The vicious circle is ABSURD!”

“That’s funny, Dave.”

“Not so funny when you consider how we are like a hamster in a wheel cage. Round and round we go. The whole circle is a meaningless ritual rather than something coherent and self-fulfilling.”

“I guess another example of absurdity would be: We get up to go to work. Four hours later we have lunch. Then back to work. Then go home for supper and sleep.”

“Yes Tom, this cycle goes on Monday through Friday all at the same rhythm. But one fine day the “WHY” of it overcomes us.”

We both pondered for a minute.

“So, the absurdity of routine life hits us like a ton of bricks. What do we do?

We have to provide our own meaning in our lives.”

“What are some of the ways we can provide that meaning?”

“Well Tom, we all want to be happy, and I think there are 4 roads to meaningful lives which would create a happy background for us as an enduring condition.”

“What are the 4 roads, Dave?”

“I will list them and then we can discuss them individually. Helping others, becoming successful, seize the day, and freeing the mind. None of these elements is the last word on life’s meaning but they can be a framework for us to construct a worthwhile life. So Tom, what do you think about helping others as a means to meaning?’

“Well Dave, helping others would allow us to break free of the pointless cycle of eating to live, living to work and working to eat. We could escape the narrow concerns of our own private lives by helping people outside of our private existence. But, I wonder if there is something egotistical about it when helping others becomes a means of helping ourselves feel good.”

“Very good point, Tom. Altruism helps the person being helped and also it benefits the helper.”

“I think helping others is one way to give us a sense of purpose but there are other ways too.”

“ The feel good factor is indicative of a sort of claustrophobic life when a person is wrapped up in their own little world their horizons are restricted. When you help others it’s an escape from this narrow focus, to one which makes us feel good as well as the people we help.”

“Right on Tom, helping others is NOT the end all of the meaning of life itself. But it is tied to it because it’s one of the GOOD things in life.”

We both took a minute to savor our discussion on Helping Others.

“What about our desire to be successful and achieve as an element of the meaning of life?”

“Dave, I think we crave success because we think it will make us happy.”

“I think it goes beyond that, Tom. There are two ways of viewing success, one concentrates on the importance of having done certain things. Man is the sum of his actions.

The other view is becoming a certain kind of person. The outward signs of success are merely the visible evidence of a more important inner transformation.”

“I get it Dave, what matters is the becoming, the development of oneself to its full potential, not the job that goes with it.”

“There is a link between the doing and the becoming. What matters is to become who we become by doing what we do.”

“I think I have it Dave, to develop ourselves through achievement gives us some meaning. If you pursue your passion, no matter what recognition you get, should be seen as a success.”

“So Tom, what about, “living for today”, to give us meaning?”

“You’re talking about “carpe diem”, seize the day, aren’t you?”

“That’s right, my friend, you and I are mortal, we are trapped in the PRESENT and we could die at any moment, so we must try to make the most of our present.”

“The amateur philosopher’s version of seize the day is simple hedonism, party on, the pursuit of pleasure,” said Tom, soberly.

“Tom, if we interpret “living for today” as a call to party continually, then it is an inadequate law to live by, this is NOT the only way to understand what carpe diem means.”

“So Dave, what is the true spirit of carpe diem?”

“What we value in life: relationships, learning, creativity, food, travel, interesting hobbies—the call to seize the day is a call to appreciate these things while we can and not put them off. You don’t have to experience everything now, but we must make every day count.”

“I get it Dave, we don’t want to put off doing today what can be done today.”

“The wisdom of carpe diem is that our TIME is SHORT and we should not squander it. Carpe diem is NOT only about pleasure but having satisfaction in your present.”

Tom and I remained silent for a few minutes pondering what we had discussed.

“Now, my friend, we come to the last element of gaining meaning in your life—freeing your mind and losing yourself. What do you know about that, Tom?”

“Lets see Dave, I think freeing the mind means Chill Out and let go of your ego. This means that the “I” becomes unimportant. Attune yourself to nature and stop thinking so much about things.”

“That’s a good point Tom, but remember what Descartes said: “I think therefore I am”. If this is true then the idea of detaching ourselves from our egos is false, because the self is the most certain feature of reality.”

“So, freeing your mind by losing yourself is NOT a satisfactory way of finding meaning in your life,” said Tom, scratching his head.

“If you stop to think about it, permanently losing a sense of self is otherwise known as Death!”

“Wow, that’s a sobering thought,” said Tom, wide eyed.

“Thinking is good, assessing ideas through rational argument, it is the best way of examining ideas.”

“Well Tom, in conclusion to this discussion, some of the elements we talked about might provide some contentment and satisfaction BUT there is NO last word on the subject.”

“So Dave, we can say that our life can be worthwhile if we have a balance of happiness and concern for others, where time is NOT wasted and we are successful in terms of pursuing our interests.”

“Right on, Tom, the sobering truth is that life is a continuing struggle and time is so fleeting.”

“I’ve often thought of how time flies and it sends shivers up my spine.”

“Well Tom, time carries us from a PAST we cannot revisit to a FUTURE we cannot know. It is the basic experience of our live. Time dictates the direction of travel, trapping us in our PRESENT as it takes us from the PAST to the FUTURE.”

“So Dave, we ask the question, “What’s it all about?” and we see that there are many ways in which life can be meaningful.”

“Well buddy, as a member of the “Oldie Club” I am worn out by this discussion and by the time we learn to make the most of life, the greater part of it is GONE!”

With that, Tom and Dave walked out into the sunshine SMILING.

“Hey Tom, do you realize our memory is resilient but also very fragile?”

“Yes, I’ve heard that is so, Dave.”

“It’s so scary though Tom, when you think that everything we do or say depends upon the smooth operation of our memory system. Any form of memory loss would be tragic.”

“It’s scary, alright, they say aging inevitably brings a decline in memory, just when I like to reminisce about the past.”

“Yes Tom, memories are about the past. That’s why time seems to speed up for us oldies, we have more past than future.”

We shifted on our green padded stools.

“I think we need bigger stools, Dave.”

We both laughed.

“They say memory is unreliable, why is that, Dave?”

“The past is fixed, BUT: Every time you recall a memory it is changed because every time you “see” the memory in a different light, a different perspective. It no longer means exactly what it meant at the time of the original memory.”

“That’s interesting Dave, I didn’t realize that.”

“Tom, here’s a curious fact about memory: In looking to the past, you realize you may NOT have access to the original memory because you cannot possibly recover the PERSPECTIVE you had at the time.”

“Very interesting, I’m learning so much today.”

“Let me tell you a story:

I remember a row with my father when I was 13 years old. He worked nights so I hardly ever saw him. I wanted him to go on the day shift so he could be a regular father to me like the other kids had. I also wanted him to show more interest in me. I looked at that dispute as a TRIUMPH for my arguments.

In looking back now, I feel SHAME. I had no feeling for my father’s point of view, what motivated him and what his aspirations were. Maybe he was dissatisfied with his life.

Now being older, my perspective on that event has altered, from TRIUMPH to SHAME!”

“Oh boy, Dave, that story is food for thought.”

“Tom, do you have any similar stories?”

“Yes I do, but it’s a long one.”

“Oh well, put it in a reply on my blog and I will read it later.”

“I was thinking, Dave, about how my mind flits from the past to the present to the future and back again. It’s strange.”

“You probably think more about the past because it has “pictures”. The present is so fleeting that you don’t realize you’re thinking about it because it’s significance is so fleeting.”

“Dave, here’s a fact I read, a 70 year old knows what it’s like to be 20, whereas

A 20 year old has no idea what it is like to be 70!”

“That’s the asymmetries of life. I like that word: Asymmetries.”

“Tom, did you know that Old Age is the longest life stage?”

“No Dave, I didn’t.”

“The stages of youth—Baby, infant, toddler, child, adolescent, young adult, approximately a 21 year span. But you are in none of these stages for long.

According to the actuaries, you will be old for 25-30 years.”

“That’s amazing, BUT: the thing that bothers me lately is forgetting.

Every once in awhile I struggle to find the right word. The worry is not so much being unable to find the right word as the knowledge that I know it!”

“I know, it’s frustrating but I’ve learned that autobiographical memory is the most susceptible to disruption, distortion or loss.”

We were silent for a minute.

“Hey Tom, my mouth is getting dry, lets order another beer.”

We both drank a quarter of our pints at once, we were so dry!

“So, lets recap: No matter what the cause of memory loss, the consequences are a disaster, much of what has been acquired and learned is gone. The person with anterograde memory loss, loses the ability to store new experiences in a way that can be recalled. His future is wiped out while he is alive.

A person with retrograde memory loss, the past has been erased or rendered in accessible, the person they once were with abilities, talents and character traits has vanished!”

***

“Hey Dave, do you live in the past? This question was asked of me. It implies that my present is so impoverished that I must take refuge in the comfort of my idealized memories. In other words, I am a “poor thing.”

“Maybe Tom, us oldies should embark on a review of our lives. What do you think?”

“Sounds interesting Dave, because as we age, one becomes preoccupied with “Who One Is” rather than “What One Does.”

“Yes Tom, with the life review you want to recap what themes and events helped to define you as a UNIQUE person. It’s a reminiscence-based process of coming to terms with one’s life.”

“Hey Dave, I remember a lot about my adolescence and young adulthood. Why, I wonder?”

“Well Tom, my friend, it’s because the events in these two periods define us, our identity, our place in the world. These two periods provide us with our CORE adult story that we carry around with us, largely unchanged, for our life.”

“Dave, do you look at old family photos?”

“Yes Tom, my old photos serve as cues to my autobiographical recollections. My photos allow me to make contact with, and even relive, parts of my personal past.”

We finished our beers.

“In conclusion, I maintain that memories of our past make us “poor things” into story tellers. And the stories we tell are potent determinants of how we view ourselves.”

“Well there’s certainly lots of ideas to mull over:

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.”

Tom and Dave have left the building!

“Tom, the other day someone called me a surly curmudgeon atheist.

“What did you say to that, Dave?”

“I said, “Well everyone has to be something.”

“Then this someone said:

“Why is it so difficult for you to believe in God? Don’t you know he cares about you?”

“I bet this someone was starting to get under your skin, Dave.”

“Too right, Tom.”

We both shifted on our green padded stools.

I responded to this someone:

“The world is uncaring. The cycles of life come and go. We individual living creatures are just along for the ride, tossed about in the surf.”

“I have faith,” said the someone.

“What I have difficulty with is the concept of faith, because it isn’t based on logic, experience or evidence.”

“I put my faith in God to get me through the day.”

“When you cross the road, I bet you look both ways.”

“Boy oh boy, Dave, you really hammered home the point that faith might make some people feel good BUT practical matters require reason and evidence.”

“Right on, Tom”

We pondered for a minute.

“Oh, and Tom, this someone also said:

“If you don’t believe in God or Eternity, then what you do in this life is irrelevant.”

“I disagree,” I said, “Your acts here are all that matters.”

“So this someone thinks if this is all there is, what’s the point?”

“That’s what he was trying to put over BUT I contend if this is all there is, then what we do here is the ONLY thing that matters. In fact, it makes it matter all the more!”

“So Dave, how do we feel about our actions in life?”

“I say if a person feels that they are accomplishing their goals, they should feel good and feel that they have a meaningful life.”

“What about other people?”

“Well Tom, you know what Sartre said, “Hell is Other People”. And we do encounter lots of irritating people.”

“I have mixed feelings about lots of people I meet,” said Tom.

“Some people try to block our goals and take away our sense of control. Others have their own agendas and they don’t share our beliefs or our sense of what is important. So they take away our sense of primacy. We resist and this reinforces our identity.”

“What’s the message then, Mr. Curmudgeon?”

“The message is, my friend, that we need others physically and psychologically. Others can create anxiety in us, but they also define who we are.”

***

“And finally, Tom, this someone started attacking my character by saying I couldn’t be a good friend and I wouldn’t have many friends because of my beliefs and surliness.”

“He didn’t say that, did he?”

“Yes he did. I guess we have to conclude this discussion with the concept of Friendship.”

“You, Tom, are my friend. Am I your friend?”

“Yes Dave, you’re my friend.”

“Ok, so let the discussion begin with Aristotle, he said that some friendships are based on utility, what people can do for on another, others based on pleasure and yet some others on virtue.”

“Our friendship is primarily based on pleasure. I love your blogs!”

“Well, thank you, Tom.”

We both laughed.

“And Tom, what I like about you is that you’re a good listener and once in a while you come up with some very pithy statements.”

“Well Dave, thank you, we are like a mutual admiration society.”

We laughed again.

“To keep with Aristotle, he also said, a solid friendship is between good men who are alike in virtue.”

“He must be suggesting that there is NO friendship among the corrupt!”

“Aristotle also suggested that good people are not just morally good but they are also good at something.”

“Oh, oh, Dave, I feel a kicker coming.”

“Yes Tom, here it comes, a friend must have skill, ability, be thoughtful and have defining attributes of EXCELLENCE.”

“So Dave, you and I have to be well-rounded, morally and intellectually. According to Aristotle, the best life is fulfilling your duties as a good citizen.”

We both drained our beer glasses.

“Hey Dave, by the way, who was that “Someone” that attacked your basic self?”

“Well Tom, I didn’t want to say before… but I was on a woodland walk, my constitutional, you know, when in the misty distance I saw a figure approaching.

The figure was wearing a long black hooded cloak. I couldn’t see his face, but he was carrying a farm implement, I think it was a scythe. He did all his talking from a distance and when he finished he disappeared.

Scary, right?”

“Yes Dave, but he did inspire a good discussion.”

We left the building in a hurry!

“I feel my age today, Dave,” said my buddy Tom.

“I also am feeling my age today, my friend. I try to be cavalier about it but it’s a serious subject. You can’t joke about loss of vigor, increasing frailty, rising disease risk and failing cognitive faculties. Then there’s the unavoidable matter of the end of consciousness and the self—death, in other words—that’s drawing closer and closer.”

“So Dave, what’s our topic to discuss today?” said Tom, squirming on his green padded stool.

“How about: What makes people act the way they do?”

“Okay Dave, you start us off by answering that question.”

“I think it’s the fear of death, that is one of the primary driving forces of human action.”

“Anything positive about that grim thought?”

“Well Tom, the thought of inevitable demise can be a motivation to live life, while you have it, to the full. But the bugaboo at the core of the human condition is inevitable death.”

“I don’t think about death very often,” said Tom, soberly.

The barkeep brought our beers and we both took a sip.

“Tom, whether you are conscious of it or not, you are aware that we humans will die and this has a profound and pervasive effect on your thoughts, feelings and behavior.”

“So we are aware of many things because we are the smartest creatures in nature.”

“Right on Tom, because of our intellect we are aware that we exist, but we also know that someday we won’t exist. Our intellect makes us aware of the joys of being alive but the downside is the awareness of death.”

“So Dave, I guess that’s our predicament.”

“Being self-aware is wonderful BUT we pay the price because on the one hand we have an intense desire for continued existence but on the other hand we recognize the futility of this quest.”

“How do we manage this existential terror of death?”

“Two ways, Tom, cultural views and personal significance, known as self-esteem.

Cultural views are beliefs we create to explain the nature of reality to ourselves.

They are religious belief in immortality and symbolic immortality, the belief that our life works will last past our death. Ex- your writing or painting or in the memories of the living.”

“Wow! I am a good actor maybe some will remember my artistry on stage.”

“You never know, Tom.”

“What about the second way, self-esteem?”

“Our self-esteem, how we feel about our accomplishments, enables us to believe we are significant beings rather than just material creatures destined to be obliterated.”

“Thank goodness for our confidence in our self-worth.”

“That’s right Tom, we would all be quivering piles of biological protoplasm on the fast track to oblivion if it wasn’t for our creations of reality.”

“So we create effective terror management beliefs that we are valuable members of society and this helps us through the mist.”

“That’s right, my friend, we create our meaning and purpose in life. If you take away our meanings and purposes all we would have left would be the thought that we are vulnerable physical creatures that are on earth for a short time.”

Tom looked a little dejected with this discussion.

“What do you hope for Tom?”

“I hope for a sound mind in a sound body!”

“Me too, buddy.”

“I was just thinking, reminders of death are all around us everyday. Turn on the news, there is a lot of death news in the world. By middle age, grey hair, wrinkles, body aches are all reminders of how soon death is coming. So, why aren’t we cowering in our closets?”

“Because we have psychological defenses to cope with death thoughts. We suppress bad thoughts and we keep death thoughts from becoming conscious and then you tell yourself, “NOT ME, NOT NOW.”

“I’ve got it Dave, instead of thinking about death, your defenses DISTRACT you with matters like: What’s for dinner or where to go for your next holiday also how much you have accomplished.”

“Lets have one more beer for the road.”

“Hey Dave, alcohol and drugs are ways to diffuse death. By diffusing from death you separate from it. I wonder how many beers it would take to diffuse, to dim awareness and distort perceptions?”

“Don’t worry Tom, two beers just relax you.”

We both drained our beer glasses.

“So in conclusion, accepting our mortality is a means of diminishing the destructive effects of our death fears so we can appreciate everyday life.”

Tom spoke up: “Life not death is the great adventure.”

“A final word about how life is so transitory, everything in life passes fast. Evaluate your own life: Think of the moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moments of sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent? NO!

They all come and pass away. You are just a watcher. We are witnesses of all this. We are the perceivers. Life comes and goes. There is nothing permanent in this world. Everything changes. You have survived all the setbacks, defeats and sorrows. All have passed away. The problems in the present, they too will pass.

You are just a witness of change. Experience it and enjoy the present moment.

FOR THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

So now to lighten you day:

The only thing worse than growing old is to be denied the privilege.

Sing along:

For life is quite absurd,

And death is the final word,

You must always face the curtain with a bow,

Forget about your sin,

Give the audience a grin,

And…

ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!

THE END