Black Beauty, The Untold Story-“Mobility Menace”

I remember how pleasant it was by the big window in the showroom. The room was light, warm, quiet and quite luxurious to me. For you see I had just come from the factory, which was dirty and noisy!

When I first arrived at the showroom, they polished me up until my black body was gleaming. My model name glistened on the front of my body. “ Black Beauty”, it said on a white background. I was very proud and ready to help someone get around.

I, you see, am a Heavy Duty, Four-Wheeled, Mobility Scooter, top speed 8 MPH!

After two weeks of carefree days looking at the passing parade outside the showroom window and receiving all the kind care from the people in the showroom, I was sold!

My owner was a small man in his seventies who walked with a limp. He had stringy grey hair slicked back, small eyes and a long pointed nose. His features were bird-like. He mumbled to himself a lot, also.

When we got to his house, he said, “ Well, Black Beauty, I hope I get my money’s worth out of you.”

And then he kicked my tyres. He kept me in a dark, damp shed in the back of his garden. What a change from my lovely showroom!

The next day, the door of the shed opened and the light of day streamed in. He got onto my cushioned seat and of we went. He scratched my body going through the gate. He didn’t even stop to inspect my damage!

We raced down the path at 8 MPH, which was against regulations, only 4 MPH was allowed on the pavement!

We whizzed past adults and children, almost hitting them. We passed a red scooter and the owner shook his fist at us!

We arrived at the Super Market, we went through the door in a flash. He finally slowed down when he bumped me into a shelf—another scratch! When he looked for his groceries, he blocked the aisle, not caring about others.

At the checkout he knocked a woman’s leg in front of us. She glared at us.

“ Watch where you are going old man”, she shouted.

I felt so sorry and embarrassed, but not my owner. He just shouted back.

“ Don’t shout at me, I’m disabled!”

On our way out he knocked over a shelf. The tin cans went everywhere. The manger banned him from the store!

On the way home, he was going so fast we almost tipped over. He had turned me into a Mobility Menace! My owner was a little shaken up from our outing.

After that, I ended up in the damp, dark shed for months. It was a shame not being used by someone who would take care of me and drive carefully.

Finally, one day, the shed door opened. My owner’s son said,” This is the Black Beauty, it needs a little cleaning up.”

I was sold again. My new owner was a lady in her sixties whose legs were weakened permanently after a long illness. She had a kind face and a gentle touch on my controls. I lived in a clean, airy garage with a window. My owner’s husband took good care of me, polishing my black body every week.

My new owner rode me carefully, within the rules. She often said to me when no one else was around, “ Black Beauty, I rely on you so much, you are like a friend.”

Being with her was even better than being in the showroom. I served her proudly to the end of my days.

Article-Anger, The Unwanted Emotion?

This article is for all you frustrated philosophers out there. ANGER, is a self-provoking word. I hope this article makes you  STOP and THINK!

Like the bee’s sting, anger is self destructive and when it explodes, verbal and physical violence often ensues.

This emotion makes you feel miserable and depressed. Heated arguments, trying to make people understand your position, put a physical and mental strain on you. It can cause ulcers, high-blood pressure and heart trouble. If you can eliminate it, in the majority of instances, you will keep your sanity, your health and your happiness.

What is anger, anyway? It is strong feelings arouse by injury, injustice or wrongs, real or supposed. It makes us feel unworthy and guilty, it pulls us down from our true level as human beings. It is a wrong choice most of the time.

When anger is part of you, too much of the time, you concentrate on your grievances with life. To ease this you must concentrate on your successes, then you will gain confidence and feel good.

Like all emotions anger is the result of thinking, in this case wrong thinking. It comes from frustration, when we fail to achieve goals or satisfy basic desires.

Everyone feels frustrated, now and again, because we are imperfect, and the world is complex. But we don’t want destructive emotions to follow our frustration. We want constructive thinking to follow.

Annoyance, irritation, and disappointment are feelings that you very likely will continue to experience, since the world will never be completely the way you want it to be!

So you must convince yourself that anger weakens you and makes frustration unbearable. It attracts the wrong conditions, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. While constructive thoughts, confidence and courage attract the right conditions.

***

Now, all this is well and good! But, there is such a thing as Righteous Anger.

If people abuse you or a loved one, and if a child is bullied, anger maybe all you’ve got! It’s a defence mechanism. If you don’t use it, you have to cringe away.

A good burst of anger can clear the air. Are we not supposed to get angry at things like cruelty, injustice or stupidity?

I once heard an interesting story on how to channel your anger. A man got a very abusive letter from an acquaintance. The man was so enraged that he was on the brink of feeling sick!

“ What shall I do about it?” he asked his wife.

“ Write and tell him what you think of him. Get it all out of your system on paper.”

He did so.

His wife read the result.

“ Very good,” she said. “ Now do you feel better?”

“ Much better, thank you. Now, I’ll send it,” said the man.

“ Oh, don’t send it. It’s done it’s job. It has released your anger. Now tear up both letters and throw them away,” said his wife, smiling.

So, the elimination of anger, when you don’t need it, is going to lift a weight from your body and mind. You are going to enjoy life, relieved of tension and strain.

In most situations, say to anger,

“ You’re Unwanted!”

***

Your thoughts, please.

An Article–Problems Are Good For You

“ What? Problems are good for me? No, I don’t need or want any problems, thank you.”  This is probably the typical response to this article’s title. But there is plenty of evidence that problems are  good for you. Solving life’s difficulties increases our confidence, our courage, and our powers of strategy and efficiency. Problems can be the best things that happen to us, if we tackle them positively and see the advantages that can arise from victory.

Solving problems is what humans do. It’s what we do best. If we didn’t solve problems, we would still be making noises in the trees! Victory over problems equals growth and achievement in life. Life implies growth. In your psychological world, If you are growing you are alive. If you are not growing, you are psychologically dead. Solving problems keeps you mentally alive. By facing and conquering obstacles, your mind grows strong and your character develops.

Difficulties should be viewed as opportunities for growth and achievement. With each victory you grow in wisdom and experience.

It has been said that every problem has it’s solution hidden in it, and benefits come out of the solution. Thinking of this truth, creates enthusiasm for solving problems.

Bring on the problems! Get into the habit of having a positive mental attitude because your success in meeting challenges depends on it.

Many benefits come out of victory over social problems- overcoming social injustice, relieving poverty, better housing, etc.

Conquer the bad attitude of not wanting or avoiding problems.The more problems you have to solve, the more alive you are. Obstacles are a part of life, because everything in our world is in a constant process of change.

To many people, problems mean insecurity. But in reality, the only security you have is in the knowledge that you can handle life’s difficulties in a positive way.

Many people avoid dealing with problems because they fear failure This fear leads to emotional, mental, and physical immobility. But “ failure” in solving a problem is just someone else’s opinion of how it should be solved. There are many ways to solve a problem and many learning experiences connected with the search for a solution. Even if you don’t completely solve a difficulty, you learn just from trying. So even out of so called “ failure”, can come good.

Some people even make money from exploiting people’s  problems to some extent. Take some counsellors, for example, who often enjoy their problem involving jobs because it boosts their own egos, self-worthiness, self-importance and sense of superiority at the expense of problem sufferers! Hopefully, they help the sufferer a little, while they get these benefits for themselves.

After having faced problems, and not run away, and come up with solutions full of benefits, you become a person filled with confidence. Secure in the knowledge that you can handle most difficulties that come along in life. This thought inspires and strengthens you. Every victory helps you acquire a sense of fulfilment in your life. So, problems are good for you!

What do you think?

Web of Guilt-Beth’s Outburst

John’s  POV

I was relaxing in my study having a cocktail and admiring the oil painting I had done of Carl and I. Then Beth came in.

“ I’m so glad you and Carl are getting along so good. Carl seems very happy. He’s had a rough time the first thirteen years of his life. But since I befriended him, he is much happier.”

Beth’s expression was strained.

“ What’s wrong, Beth?”

“ Some thoughts have been bothering me. Dad, do you consider Carl as a son?” said Beth, abruptly, glancing up at the huge oil painting.

“ Yes, he is like a son to me. What brought this on?”

“ Well, I’m seventeen years old and I’ve only really known you for a month! And yet I am your DAUGHTER! A BLOOD RELATION! You abandoned my mother and me in England. I’m your daughter and you haven’t had time for me until now.”

I was taken aback!

“ I sent your mother money when I could. She knew my address in Chicago, but she only wrote to me once to tell me she didn’t want to hear from me anymore!”

“ That’s no excuse, I was your daughter, didn’t you care about me?”

“ Of course I cared and I felt guilty, but your mother never even sent me a picture of you.”

Beth was glaring at me now. Was it hate I saw in her eyes?

“ In the following years, I got married and had a son. Sadly, they both got killed in a car accident in which I was driving! I was completely devastated. The, in 1949, I met Carl as a thirteen year old boy. I befriended him and since then we have gotten very close.”

I could feel the tension in the room!

“ So, all these years I had no father but you had two sons! It just isn’t fair, I hate you!”

Beth turned and went upstairs to her room and slammed the door.

***

My daughter’s outburst rekindled my memories of my boyhood. It was anything but happy…

My father was a drunkard. When my mother wasn’t around he would beat me just to let out his frustrations. I hated my father! I had a father, but I would have been better off not having one. A terrible thought.

When I was a teenager I felt the world was a hostile place. Because of my grievances with life, I acquired a skewed sense of reality.

When I became a man, I felt I had a dual personality. Sometimes I’d be mister nice guy and then I would switch abruptly and do something antisocial. When I was pressured I would lash out at the world!

So when Romato pressured me to pay up my loan and then threatened my life, I did anything to survive!

Then, my wife and son got killed when I was driving. So I linked up with Romato to get back at a hostile world. I got used to big money and the feeling of power that the criminal world gave me.

The dark side of me came to the forefront which resisted any moral control that I might have had.This shadow of my self, now, has complete control over me except when it comes to Carl and Beth’s well being.

I often wonder if my personality is split. But, even the moon has a dark side…

***

I went upstairs and knocked on Beth’s door and opened it. She was lying on the bed crying. I went over and sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her back. She moved away from me.

“ Come on, Beth, don’t be like this.”

She sat up abruptly.

“ How am I supposed to feel? Now, you’re trying to lessen your guilt by getting me together with Carl, like one happy family.”

“ Yes, that’s what I would like us to be, a family.”

Beth wiped a tear from her cheek.

“ I’ve had this hate inside me for what you did all my life. I felt guilty for hating you. Now, I find out you have a son figure and you treat him better than your blood relation.”

Beth, I’m sure we can work this out. I love you and Carl and that’s why I introduced you to him.”

My daughter just stared at me in silence.

“ Tomorrow night I’m going to have Carl over for dinner and we three will talk this out”

***

Carl’s  POV

It was Monday after work. I got a call from John. John and Beth wanted me to come over to talk something out. I wondered what was up. From John’s tone of voice, it sounded important. So I rapped on John’s door within the hour.

“ Come on in, Carl,” said my friend, looking grim faced.

John led me into the lounge, where Beth was sitting, looking grim faced as well!

“ What’s this all about, John?”

“ My daughter has voiced her concern over our father-son relationship, since I never was a father to her until now.” John broke off abruptly, choked with emotion.

Beth jumped into the conversation. “ I feel very left out, wondering where I stand.”

“ I just want us to be a family,” said John.

I looked at both of them and knew I would have to reconcile this situation, otherwise I will lose both John and Beth.

“ I want us to be a family, too. I’m torn apart listening to your two punishing yourselves. I’m so grateful I met John. He’s helped me over many rough spots since my father got killed. Now, I’ve met you, Beth, and I feel so comfortable in your company. It would be a shame to throw our relationships away because of guilt.”

They were both listening to me intently.

“ Beth, I think I’m falling in love with you, and I certainly don’t want to lose you.

John, you are my father-image, ever since I was thirteen years old. I don’t want to lose that friendship. We all feel guilty about some aspect of our relationship. But guilt is a corrosive emotion. It makes us feel like we deserve blame and punishing. Well, I love you both and I very much want us to be a family. So let’s stop this depressive thinking and get on with being grateful we three are together. We should be happy!”

John and Beth stared at me with sadness in their eyes. I hugged them both and we all started laughing. The misconception was over. The rift was healed.

The three of us went out to dinner!

Web of Guilt-The Riverview Incident

CARL’S  POV

 

Note: It is 1959. John’s love child, from his army days, Beth, his daughter, has come over from England to live with him. John introduces Carl to Beth and they start dating.

***

On our third date I took Beth to my favourite place of my youth, Riverview Amusement Park. Even the entrance was stunning. You walked under a huge archway about sixty feet long and thirty feet high.It was painted red, white and blue, the colours of : Old Glory”, the American flag! Coloured bunting was draped across the midway. The man selling balloons was right at the gateway to the park. He was as colourful as his balloons, with his candy stripped jacket! He looked like he might float away with his big bunch of balloons!

“ I’m so excited, Carl,” said Beth, glutching my hand.

“ This is just the entrance, wait until you see the rides and attractions!”

I paid our admission and through the turnstiles we went. The crowds were streaming in under the bright sunshine. I could smell the hot dogs and onions on the grill at the food tent.

“ Smell that, Beth, dogs and onions, we’ll have one later.”

“ Cotton candy! Cotton candy!” the vendor shouted.

“ Want some cotton candy, Beth?”

“ Oh, yes please, in England we call it candy floss.”

It just melted in our mouths.

“ Well, Beth,we’ve got a lot to get through today, so let’s start with the “ Tunnel of Love”.

We jumped into the rickety boat and entered the dark tunnel under the big red heart hanging over the entrance. I stole a kiss from Beth, she giggled and it echoed through the darkness.

When we came out into the light, Beth said, “ You’re a sneak, Carl Willis, I wasn’t prepared for that kiss, but I enjoyed it anyway!”

“ Well, at least you didn’t get bitten by the Black Widow Spider!”

“ What!” Beth was wide-eyed.

“ Just a rumour, I think,” I laughed.

“ The Greyhound next.”

As we approached the Greyhound rollercoaster, I played experienced coaster rider!

“ Now Beth, the Greyhound is known as the “ beginner” coaster, it has smaller hills. My father took me on it when I was eight years old.”

“ So Carl, we’re starting tame and working our way up”

“ That’s right, you’ve got the idea.”

We jumped into one of the cars, it had a safety cage over it. It resembled a silver train I put my arm around Beth and off we went up the first hill. Beth let out a little whimper when we headed down.

“ Well, that was a nice smooth first hill with just a little excitement. But I enjoyed it,” said Beth.

A few more small hills and that was the end of the ride.

“ Guess your age, sweetheart?”

It was the clown at the “ Guess Your Age” booth.

“  Oh Carl, do you think he can guess my age?”

“ Well, let’s see!”

I paid the twenty-five cents and the clown started scrutinizing  Beth from all angles. Beth was giggling away!

“ I’ll have to guess within two years,” said the clown.

He started mumbling to himself.

“  Twenty years old,” he said.

“ You’re wrong,” laughed Beth.

The clown’s painted face went from smile to grimace!

“ Well sweetheart, before you pick your prize, I’ll have to see I.D. with your birth date.”

Beth showed the clown her I.D. and selected her prize.

“ You looked older than seventeen,” he snarled.

Beth picked a chain necklace with the emblem “ Riverview, Chicago” attached to it. I put it around Beth’s neck and fastened it.

We started walking and kicking the saw dust that covered the entire midway.

“ What’s next?”

“ It’s Aladdin’s Castle.”

“ What’s that?”

“ It’s the Fun House, filled with mirrors, smoke and slanting floors.”

The huge building had a big grinning image of Aladdin over the entrance. I paid the admission and we entered the first room full of crazy mirrors. We had a great time looking at our distorted images.

Then came the rolling barrels. You had to walk through, but we both fell down half way laughing.

Next the tilted rooms. We were getting dizzy now, but it was great fun.

At one point there was an outdoor balcony platform that connected the sections of the building. On this balcony the designers had built in a series of high pressure air jets. As the gals would be walking over the jets, the operators would release them. It was hilarious! Beth screamed! The air jets went off and skirts and petticoats went flying upward. Crowds would gather by the fence out front just to watch the show!

We came out of Aladdin’s Castle laughing uncontrollably.

“ Carl, you knew about those air jets, you devil you.”

“ Nice legs,” I smiled, sheepishly.

Down the midway we went hand in hand.

“ There’s our next ride, Beth,” I pointed up two hundred feet above us.

“ The Pair-o-Chutes! Oh no, Carl, that looks too scary,” cried Beth.

“ Come on, Beth, where’s your sense of adventure?”

Beth was looking up to the top of the tower. She was clearly nervous.

“ How does it work,Carl?”

“ You see that chute going up now?”

“ Yes.”

“ Notice the four guide cables attached to it, they stop it from floating away. The central cable is for hoisting it up.”

Beth was biting her bottom lip!

“ Now, when it gets to the top it hits an uncoupling device and down it comes, opened up.”

The admission paid, Beth and I climbed the stairs to the swing chair that held two people.

“ Just enough room for both of us, Beth.”

Beth stared straight ahead. The operator fastened us in with a broad leather belt.

The wind began to blow! The “ up” button was pushed and we were slowly lifted skyward. It would take a couple of minutes to get to the top. The Chicago skyline was before us. The upward ride was scary for some, but very enjoyable for others.

“ Isn’t it a beautiful view, Beth? You can see quite a distance over Chicago, to the river.”

“ Carl, I feel the flapping of the parachute in the wind. We’re vibrating!”

“ Just part of the excitement, Beth.”

Looking down, as the people on the ground were getting smaller, I noticed two men aiming binoculars up at us.Were they the same two that had been harassing Beth and myself on our last two dates?

All of a sudden a loud “ CLICK” sounded and the chute was released! Beth was screaming during the free fall

“ Carl, I’ve got butterflies in my tummy,” shouted Beth.

The chute opened and we drifted down. “Ker-Plunk”, we hit the shock absorbers at the bottom.

“ Hold on, Beth,” I yelled.

We hit the shocks with such force that the springs stretched to their full limits. Then they recoiled with a force that bounced us in the seat violently! We were very wobbly when we got on solid ground again.

“ Oh, Carl, that was out of this world!”

“ It’s an exciting ride with the slow ascent to dizzying heights, the free fall, the fast descent and the great bounce at the end. It takes your breath away!”

I didn’t want to worry Beth about the two men with binoculars. I was looking around to see if I could spot them. But they had disappeared!

“ Well, Beth, here’s our last ride. The largest rollercoaster in the park!”

“ How high is the first hill, Carl?”

“ About ninety feet, then a steep drop going fifty mph with heavily banked turns.”

Beth just stared in disbelief as she listened to the screams coming from the cars whizzing past.

“ When we were kids, this was the ride that separated the men from the boys,” I said, boldly.

“ Carl, the cars are completely open!”

“ Yes, isn’t it great? You’re not locked in your seat, there’s room for movement, just a hand bar over your lap!”

The sign said, “ The Bobs, 17 hills of thrills!”

I paid the admission and we walked up a steep ramp to reach the boarding platform. The walk up felt like the march of the condemned to execution!

We got into a car and put the bar over our lap and waited. The coaster train started it’s ascent. Click-a-ty Clack, went the chain link pulling the train of cars to the top of the first hill. As we neared the top, all of a sudden a figure jumped up in the car behind us and hit the bar across our lap with an iron pipe and dislodged the bar and it fell loose!

The coaster went over the top, we were hanging on to the sides of the car with all our might. Beth was screaming, we hit the bottom of the hill and the tightly banked turn with such speed that the “G” forces threw us from side to side, alternately pinning us one against the other, almost flying out of the car!

As we went up the next hill, I looked behind and there were the two men dressed in black! The men with the binoculars. When we went over the next hill they were trying to push us out of our car! Beth and I were fighting them with all our strength.

Beth bit one of their hands and drew blood. I was receiving violent hits to my arms, trying to make me let go of the side of the car. At any moment I was afraid both of us would tumble out!

One of the operators of the ride saw that we almost flew out of the car at the banked turn. He signalled the motorman to bring the ride in on a spur by activating a switching device.

The train of cars glided into the station. The two men behind us disappeared into the confused crowd and into the busy midway.

Beth and I were battered and bruised. Beth was in a terrible upset state! The park security men took us to the park first aid station and they dressed our wounds. A policeman came and took our statement. He reported the incident on his car radio. We couldn’t provide much of an identification other than two heavy-set men dressed in black!

We called John to come and take us home.

Three dates and three attempts to harm us or worse!

But I think I’m the real target!

***

 

Web of Guilt, Chapter One Continued

That night rain pounded on my bedroom window and lightening lit up the room. I remember I was thrashing around in bed. I was half awake, half in a dream!

“ Dad, watch out, there’s a car coming! Dad! Dad! Dad!”

I felt someone shaking me.

“ What’s the matter, Carl? You’re all sweaty!”

“ It was a nightmare, Mom. It was so real. I saw the car but not the driver. If I went earlier to collect Dad I might have saved him!”

My mother wiped my brow with her hanky.

“ I feel so bad, Mom.”

“ We’re going to get through this sad time, son.”

My mother bent down and kissed me on the forehead and left the room.

It took me a long time to get back to sleep!

***

A week later I went back to school, but I found it hard concentrating on my studies. When any of my classmates talked about their fathers and what they did with them, I’d feel a sort of emptiness sweep over me.

***

It was mid January and it was snowing in Chicago. It was 1950 and times were changing. I was changing too! I was looking for something, I didn’t know what!

“ I’m going out for a while, Mom.”

“ Put your scarf on, its snowing. And Carl, I want you back for dinner and stay away from that bowling alley.”

“ Okay, Mom.”

I started kicking a stone along the path. I gave the stone a hard kick and it disappeared in the gutter. Life is harder now for my mother and I without my dad. I do a lot of the house chores because my mother feels very tired these days.

There isn’t much to be happy about, but my one big pleasure is ten-pin bowling. I usually headed to Devon Avenue, it was the entertainment centre of my world. There was the Juke Box Diner, the Ridge Movie Theatre and the Ridge Bowling Alley.

The Juke Box Diner was where I would spin around on the diner stools and eat my orders of French fries smothered in ketchup and mustard, just the way I liked them! On the juke box, I listened to the latest records, if I had some nickels. The movie theatre was where on Saturday afternoons I would go to see twenty cartoons and a superman serial or maybe a monster film.

Today, I entered the Ridge Bowl, a ten-pin bowling establishment. It was dimly lit and I could smell the mustiness. At one end there were pin-ball machines on whick I was an expert, especially when I tilted the machines! On the other end was a tavern which was off limits for me. In the middle were ten bowling alleys, which were brightly lit.

Too many unsavoury characters in bowling alleys my mother would ssay. But I had discovered bowling and it fascinated me. Bowling made me feel good and these days there wasn’t much to feel good about.

When I was on the alley, it was like I was on the stage of a theatre with the spotlight on me. There were cushioned seats behind the alleys for onlookers.

I paid my money, put my bowling shoes on and selected a ten pound ball. I couldn’t handle the full size sixteen pounder yet.

I went on stage, alley number one, the lights were bright. I could see the pin boy putting the pins in the cage slots and bringing the pin cage down, releasing the pins in a perfect triangle alignment. The stage was set for my first roll of the ball. I took the four step delivery I had practised, ending up on my left foot. I threw the ball. It rolled down the lane fast and straight. Before the ball hit the pins, I saw the pin boy’s legs lift up to avoid the flying pins and the ball.  Seven pins went down, not bad.

The problem I had was that I wasn’t sure about scoring the game when I got spares and strikes. When my game was over, I noticed and off duty pin boy sitting in a back theatre seat, watching me.

“ Could you teach me to score? I’ve got my score sheet here. I got two spares and one strike, pretty good for me,” I said.

“ What’s your name, son? Mine is John.”

The pin boy was a well-built man, fortyish, with penetrating eyes, dark stubble on his chin and a long scar on his left cheek. Except for the scar, he resembled my dad a little.

“ I’m Carl and I’m thirteen years old, almost fourteen!”

John was staring at me intently. It made me a little uneasy.

“ Let’s see that sheet,” said John.

“ I’ll give you ten cents if you teach me to score.”

John rubbed his large hands together and smiled.

“ Okay, a dime will buy me another beer. When you get a spare, it’s ten points plus how many pins your next ball knocks down. A strike is ten points plus the pins you knock down with your next two balls.”

John continued telling me some of the finer points of the game and totalled up my score sheet. I soaked up the knowledge like a sponge. John got up and went over to an empty alley.

“ Come over here, son, I’ll show you how to throw the ball accurately.”

I listened to John’s instructions intently.

“ I’m going to use the arrows on the alley as a target,” said John.

John stood in the middle of the approach, used the four step delivery and threw the ball fast down the alley with a slight hook. Nine pins went down.

“ You want to hit the one-three pocket for a right-handed strike.”

I knew  that the one-three pocket was the space between the head pin and the number three pin.

John proceeded to throw his second ball and knocked down the remaining pin for a spare.

“ You’re good, John,” I said.

“ I should be, I’ve done league bowling and some coaching years ago,” smiled John.

John threw his next ball and the pins went flying, a strike.

“ I taught my son to bowl.He was a little older than you.”

“ My father is dead. We used to play games together too.”

“ I’m sorry to hear that, son.”

A tear rolled down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away with a flick of my hand.

“ Thank you for helping me John.”

“ You’re welcome, Carl.”

“ John, what happened, why are you just a pin setter now?” I asked innocently.

“ Questions, questions,” said John. He then walked out of the bowling alley, mumbling to himself.

Shocked by his reaction, I ran after him. Outside the afternoon sun was strong.

John was sitting  on a bench near the WW11 tank that was mounted in the park across the street. My father and I used to play ball there. John had his head in his hands.

“ I’m sorry if I said something wrong.”

John lifted his head and smiled, his expression softened.

“ It’s not your fault, son. It’s just some memories that I’m trying to forget.” John had a nightmarish look in his eyes.

“ My wife and son were killed in an auto accident in which I was driving.”

We looked at each other in silence.

“ I’m sorry, John.”

“ I’ve felt guilty ever since. I came out of the accident with only this scar. I’ve got several incidents in my life that I feel guilty about,” said John, shaking his head.

I just stared at John for a minute while he composed himself.

“ John, would you show me how to bowl better when I come next week?”

John seemed to come back to the present and his face brightened up.

“ Sure thing, Carl. See you next week.”

I felt so comfortable in John’s company, it was almost like being with my father. I went home happily kicking a stone the whole way.

The next week I went to the alley against my mother’s wishes again, but I wanted to see John. Arriving at the alley, I saw John was working. I stuck a nickel in the pin-ball machine. I would play until John had a break.

“ Hey! Quit tilting the machine, that’s cheating.”

I turned around and there was John smiling down at me.

“ Hello John, I’m ready for my bowling lesson.”

“ Okay, come on, I’ll show you how to throw a hook ball.”

After an hour of instruction, John and I sat down in the onlooker’s area.

“ I’ll buy you a Coke,” said John, walking to the drinks machine. He came back with two Cokes. We sat watching the other bowlers.

“ I wish you were my dad, John.” I didn’t believe I had just said that, but I just blurted it out!

John looked taken aback by my impulsive statement. He stared at me with a far away look in his eyes.

“ Thanks for the compliment, Carl. You remind me a lot of my son. I enjoy helping you with your bowling.’

“ Can we be buddies, John?”

“ I’d like to be your buddy, Carl.”

I thought I saw some moisture in John’s eyes.

“ That’s great.”

“ Let’s shake on it,” said John.

We shook hands. I was elated, maybe things would get better now. Had I found what I was looking for? A substitute father!?

Web of Guilt, Chapter One

An excerpt of a novel I’m writing. Please feel free to comment.

CARL’S POV

Saturday afternoon, October, 1949, Chicago, Illinois,USA

“ Dad, let’s go home, we’ve seen the wrestling matches,” I pleaded.

“ One more beer and we’ll go, son.”

I swung around on my stool and looked out the dirty window. The sign flickered,

“ Romato’s Tavern”.

There was a television set at the end of the bar. I was fascinated with television, it was the new thing these days and only a few taverns had them to draw customers.

These were the days when the law allowed children in taverns accompanied by a parent.

I was drinking my Coke and staring at the men perched on the high stools slumped over their drinks. The smudged mirror behind the bar reflected the depressing scene. I looked at the clock on the wall through the smoky haze. Four o’clock, my Dad and I had been watching TV for three hours.

“ Come on, Dad, I’m getting tired of sitting here.”

“ Hold on, son, let me just finish my beer.”

I frowned. My father and I were such buddies in the past. We went on camping trips to  the Indiana State Dunes Park, played baseball and football together. It was a great time. But since my Dad lost his job six months ago, things hadn’t been the same.

His beer finished, my father and I left the tavern. We walked home in silence. I started kicking a stone along the path. It was a ritual I often did. It made me feel good for some strange reason.

“ Mom, we’re home,” I shouted, slamming the door.

The three room basement apartment where we lived was a dreary place. Thethick pipes near the ceiling, where the steam heat came through, were depressing. It reminded me of a boiler room. Not much light came through the small windows. The furniture was old and the carpet worn. A few family pictures were on the mantle, pictures of happier times.

Mary, my mother, came out from the bedroom and glared at my dad.

“ Why do you keep Carl out at the tavern so long?”

“ He likes watching the wrestling and we don’t have a television,” countered my dad.

“ Just another excuse to go drinking when you should be looking for a job. How are we going to pay the bills?”

“ Get off my back, woman. I get money when we need it, don’t I?”

“ Mom, Dad, please stop yelling at each other,” I said.

My father looked at me sadly. Then he stomped out of the apartment.

“ Looks like you’ll have to go and pick up your father again later. He will be too drunk to make it home by himself,” said my mother, angrily.

This is how it was most days, recently. I would end up collecting and guiding my dad home from the tavern.

My mother was once a pretty woman but now she looked haggard, her eyes were dull and empty of hope.

“ Oh Mom, do I have to? You know I’m scared of some of the men there. I don’t like the tavern,” I whispered.

“ Yes, Carl, it would give me peace of mind. I don’t know what we are going to do.

Your father’s drinking is getting me down. When he comes back we’ll have another argument about money. Day in, day out. Week in, week out,” my mother’s voice trailed off. She talked to me like I was grown up, but she needed to talk to someone.

I plunked myself down on the worn sofa, squirming a bit. I know money was a big problem for us these days.I didn’t like to hear my parents arguing all the time.

“ He gets money to pay some bills at the last minute lately. I don’t know how he does it. The only job he has now is cleaning at Romato’s tavern on the weekends,” said my mother, shaking her head.

Two hours passed.

“ Carl, can you go and pick up your father? He must be good and drunk by now.”

“ I’ll go in a little while, Mom.”

I continued listening to the radio. My favourite program was on, “ The Shadow”.

“ What evil lurks in the hearts of men,” said “ The Shadow”. I thought of some of the men at Romato’s tavern.

Thirty minutes later.

“ Carl, are you going to collect your father, or not?”

“ I’m going, Mom.”  I switched off the radio.

I looked in the mirror in the hallway. Looking back at me was a grim faced boy that looked older than his years. The light on the ceiling was at one side of the mirror so my face was half in the shadow and half in the light. Like sadness and happiness, Ithought. The image in the mirror had ordinary looks, blond hair, straight nose and blue eyes that had lost their sparkle.

I zipped up my coat and went out into the night, slamming the door behind me.

October, 1949, Saturday, 8 PM.

It was a chilly night, so I turned up my collar to the wind.

As I was nearing Romato’s tavern, I saw my father and Tom Ranke, his drinking buddy, leave the tavern. My father saw me and waved as he crossed the street.

Suddenly, the headlights of a speeding car blinded me. I knew my father was going to be killed! I heard the thud of the car hitting my dad’s body. I smelled the burning rubber of screeching tyres and the petrol fumes as the car sped away into the darkness. All this happening in an instant, but seeming like an eternity in slow motion.

I screamed, “ Dad, Dad.” My screams deafened me.Tom Ranke ran to the still body in the gutter, checking for signs of life. People were coming out of the shadows to satisfy their curiosity.

I was frozen to the spot. I couldn’t believe what I had just witnessed. I then walked over to my father’s body, as if in a stupor, and threw myself on his lifeless form. The blackness of the night matched my mood.

“ Why? Why?” I heard myself crying.

Tom ran to the public phone box and called the emergency services. Blood was coming out of my father’s nose, mouth and ears. It ran in a red stream down the gutter to the drain.

Tom grabbed me and held my head close to his chest.

“ Don’t look, son.”

“I’m too late. I’m too late. I should of come earlier. I could of saved Dad. Now, I’m too late.”

My father was dead! I was thirteen years old!

***

It was a grey day when my dad was buried. The only people at the graveside were me, my mother, Tom Ranke and the preacher. I think it hit me then how alone my mother and I were. Also my guilt feelings re-emerged.

I looked at all the gravestones around and wondered how many other fathers left their young sons to be the “ man” of the family. Tears welled up in my eyes. I wiped them away fast.

Then I noticed two men in black suits and hats looking on from a distance. I couldn’t see their faces because their fedoras were pulled down. When I looked again they were gone.

It started to rain.